Boost Compliance while Minimizing Stress

This is for the parents out there!

Tell me if this sounds familiar. You ask your child to do something and they immediately respond with “in a minute” or “after this episode” or “after this fight.”

Then some sort of argument ensues and both of you are left frustrated and the task has still not been completed.

What if I told you, there was another way you could get those tasks done while still allowing your child to finish whatever it is they’re doing, and both parties are content at the end?

This trick will help boost compliance with your child while minimizing your stress and building a healthier relationship with your child.

A colleague of mine has tested this method repeatedly with her own children and with other parents and she has seen consistent success. She’s found decreased outbursts or arguments, reduced tension between child and parent, and increased compliance with requests.

Are you ready?

Here it is.

Say your kid’s chore is to take out the trash the night before trash pick-up. It’s 6:00 and they don't go to bed until 10:00; plenty of time. Does the trash need to be taken out IMMEDIATELY? Probably not. The trash is probably not a life or death situation that needs to be done in that moment.

How about you try “Before you go to bed, I need you to take out the trash. Tomorrow is trash pick-up.” This gives them a timeline (before you go to bed), an expectation (take out the trash), and an explanation (tomorrow is trash day). Gives them freedom to complete the task when it is convenient for them, still gets it done, and teaches them how to compromise.

But Taylor, why can’t they do it right then? Get it over and done with?

Well, maybe they’re busy doing something. Many video games these days can’t be paused at all times. They may be in a cut scene where they are getting important information to the story line; they may be in a player-vs-player (pvp) battle in which their teammates are depending on them to help lead them to victory; or maybe they’re in the middle of a big boss battle and this is the farthest they’ve gotten on their 15+ attempts.

Think about it. Can you stop in the middle of preparing dinner to go clean the toilet? Probably not, unless you like burnt veggies or overcooked noodles. Showing your child the same grace and expectations you give yourself while completing a task is more likely to help your relationship than having rigid, immediate expectations.

Give it a try and let me know how it works out!